My Thoughtful Spot

wants a christmas tree.

LOL

I want to get more done in my bedroom, perhaps finish it up. Well, except for curtains for the windows and closets. Not sure when that will happen, but hopefully soon.

I also wish to make the kitchen look MUCH better - AGAIN. Hubbie took the bags of bottles/cans ets this morning to get them returned and a little cash in hand. He also took out the 3 bags of garbage that were waiting. So, those two things improved the kitchen muchly. I have laundry folded to put away and more washing and drying. I just MUST get more organized. That is what is going to help my frame of mind more than anything. I also picked up some boxes at the $ store to help organize my scrappin stuff. Thats a job I'm holding out like a carrot in front of a donkey - it's one I'll enjoy. That and watching some more 24.

So off to work for me. I'll post done pics but I forgot to take before pics (what a relief!) so i can't share those. You'll just have to imagine it, (please don't! LOL)

later dudes

and beginning to realize I'm fighting depression. I haven't been for very long, considering its been January and Feb, the toughest months of the year for me, AND Im grieving the loss of my dad, I 've been doing well. Until very recently.

I'll be ok again but getting through this is miserable. Proactive is my middle name (maybe even my first) so it won't be long before I'm feeling more myself again. I just hate this.

oh, and James found an old lock today and locked meeka's cage with it. We have no idea if a key even exists in the house for this. Didn't even know the lock did. Are we having fun yet?

OTOH, he's tried a few new foods lately which is HUGE. AND he let someone new play with him at church. As in an adult. Plus he handed out the stickers in SS. All very huge steps for him. So good things are happening too.

Guess it's off to bed now. He fell asleep about 8:20 or so tonight so it'll likely be an early morning.

Later............

Katelynne (Katie moon) has been interested in Mardi Gras this year. Imagine my joy when I walked into a dolla store last week and found these! (not the children... they're previously used...haha. )

Wonder why this picture makes me think of you??

There was an old lady
who lived in a chair
what wheeled her from here
to far over there
her kids did the laundry,
the dishes and dirt
while she sat and stewed
'bout the stains on her shirt
her hands were so shakey
she oft missed her mouth
her legs were so achey
so couldn't gad about
her brain went on strike
from this time to that
there just was no telling
what strange thing she'd be at
she sat folding laundry
and writing a rhyme
that made little sense
but filled in the time
for sitting was not
a thing she enjoyed
she'd much rather her time
be better employed!

And this is the end
breathe deeply you might
she's bidding you all
farewell and goodnight!

GlendaLeigh Hayman

I read a blog that nudged me to post this. It was written during one of the toughest times of my life. Thankfully - I DID reach out. This is for you my friend...

The fog settles in bringing with it a deep blackness. It's chilly here in the black hole, chilly and lonely. I try to call out, to seek the help of someone on the outside but my efforts are thwarted on every side. I can't stop the tears and my weakness makes me angry. I turn that anger on myself but self loathing does nothing to ease my pain or make the hole more comfortable. Despair tries to befriend me, telling me I deserve nothing better, that noone cares. A part of me accepts that, yet another part struggles and clutches at the side of the hole in an attempt to escape. Each effort to climb only ends in falling deeper into the hole, spiralling further and further from those who might help. Futility and discouragement sit on my shoulder constantly reminding me of what despair would have me believe. As time goes on I believe more and more of what they say. Isolation slips over my shoulders, a well worn garment shed not so long ago. Familiarity creeps in and convinces me that this is the safest way. Slowly, yet not too slowly I find myself slipping further and further into the pit without the energy to cry out for help. A small part of my being longs to escape, to once again see the sunshine and feel the love. I must fight. I must reach out for help. I simply must..... and yet I don't.

I don't remember a date.

I wrote that poem. It was at a time when I felt it so strongly.

want another?

The Shadows

I sit here in the shadows
where once the sun did shine
when life was full of poetry
yet now there is no rhyme

My heart was then so full of hope
my burdens seemed so light
I look around and realize
that now I'm poised for flight

The ache is heavy in my heart
for things I must give up
I reach out to my Lord for help
Please Lord, fill my cup

Light filters in between the leaves
of lonliness and loss
it brings new hope and with it friends
who help to bear the cross

With faltering steps I reach ahead
with faith to pave the way
I learn and grow though all the hurt
for He loves me come what may

My Fathers child is who I am
His arms are always there
There's safety in that place of rest
I have no cause for fear.

GLH
2004

Oh precious wounded butterfly
drifting aimlessly along
Where is it you're going?
where could you have gone?

You are scared to trust me
you feel so frail I know
I only wish to help you
heal your wings and grow

I see your broken-ness inside
you're sensative it's clear
oh wounded friend, oh butterfly
please allow me to draw near

With gentle hands I touch you
with faithful heart I love
I'll guide you to the great physician
our Father up above

The wounds inside we cannot see
yet know that they are there
He is the only hope we have
our burdens He will bear

He holds you in his nail scarred hand
With love so real and true
You are his forever dear
Remember He loves you.

GHayman

I'm fighting with it but losing.

so for now I give up. I am making headway in my house today and it feels good. Bria is not as hyddrated as she should be so thats another project for the day!

I'm cleaning out my drafts folder and finding many things. i'm going to share this, but please don't think it speaks of me. i've been there, but I am no longer. Nobody think they have to be worried please! )

At the edge of a precipice
trying to stand tall
hanging on so tightly
terrified to fall.